A little more than six months have passed since I was laid off. It’s taken me this long to feel I have something worth saying about the whole thing. What I realize after six months of aimlessness, restlessness, uncertainty, and worrying is that losing my job was one of the greatest things that’s happened to me since moving to Washington, D.C.
Apologies for the heavy opening there. I figured for whoever of you is reading this, I could skip the pro forma “wow-it’s-been-a-while-since-this-blog-was-updated,” and get right down to it.
The intervening months between January and now have given me a lot of time to think and reflect on my life so far; what have I done, and what do I hope to do. For the time being, I am bar tending and serving and bar backing and doing whatever I can to keep the rent, bills, and student loans current. I’m struggling with the task less and less each week. I think a lot about the people who’ve come into my life –you–, and the people who are now farther from me than I’d prefer –still you. I think of the relationships I’ve made as one of the few true, unmitigated successes in my life.
There’s been a dearth of my byline on the Internet since January. I’m enjoying the absence. My tweets are few and far between, inane and unimportant. My personal site is fallow, though it was never brimming with content to begin with. Instead, I’ve taken time to write for myself. Putting pen to paper, filling pages with names and places and dates, trying to be honest with myself, and interrogating the way I think or feel on a given day. It’s been a productive exercise that I feel has helped me both stay actively writing and actively addressing what’s happening in my life.
At the end of this month, I’ll be moving out of the second house of called home in D.C. This time, I’m not moving into a new place with my close friends I already live with. Many of the people I love most have left or are leaving this place, and that loss is something with which I’ll grow and change. I am hopeful for the future. I feel like I understand myself a lot better at this moment than I may ever have. I’m changing as things around me change, as people come and go, and as circumstances dictate. I’m strangely at peace with the idea that everything will always be changing, that people will always be coming and going, that everything can and probably will change, and not always the way you or I want it to.
I’m thankful to call each of you reading a friend. It’s a comforting thought to know I have people to fall back on. I guess what I’m attempting to get at, feebly and with many a distraction, is that even though I don’t have any idea where I’m going or what I’m going to be doing a year from now, I am grateful for everything that’s happened to me so far–grateful for everyone that’s happened to me so far.
Stay cool, y’all,